| by Dr. Jeffrey Lant It's time to call a spade a spade. We are members of the most communications savvy and personally wired generation ever. Even the tiniest mite has her cell phone with camera. Yet the truth is, the explosion of communications tools has produced less real communication than ever; you and your poor communications skills are one of the culprits. Listen up! After all, it's time your communication skills improved to the level of your communications tools. The quality of communications is not strained... You, being an educated soul, are no doubt familiar with Portia's famous speech: The quality of mercy is not strain'd, It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven Upon the place beneath. It is twice blest: It blesseth him that gives and him that takes. (The Merchant of Venice. Act 4, scene 1.) Bold and even impious, I now advise you (while great Shakespeare rolls in his grave) to change the word "mercy" to "communications," thus: The quality of communications is not strain'd... it is twice blessed..." And so it is. Good communications are good for the recipient and for the sender too. You know this... but you do not act accordingly. Which is why this (shall we say) motivating article is so necessary and why you should take every single word to heart and make radical adjustments in your lamentable behavior. Poor communicators (with the probability strong that you are one of them) exhibit these traits: Arrogance. The human animal is a selfish animal, conceived in selfishness and nurtured in the belief that the Great Me, the universe-centered I Am is the most important animal anywhere at any time. As a result, this animal well and truly believes that she is so important that others must feel grateful, even when the communication is not returned. Oh, my! People (like you?) who do not communicate effectively are people who are telling others, clear as crystal, that they are superior to you; that their time is more valuable than yours... and that these lesser folk need wait (and happily so) and wait and wait some more until you condescend to respond. Such people by their behavior and non responsiveness clearly indicate that you and your concerns are, by definition, of infinitely less consideration than theirs. And that you'd best be glad for the little you get, for it is infinitely more than you deserve. Poor communicators are slothful. Good communicators, effective communicators realize that the business of communicating is like a tennis match. The ball must always be in motion between the communicator and those he wishes to communicate with. When the ball stops moving, the communication stops with it. The person who has stopped the communicating process is , by definition, the lazy, inhibiting one. All too often the communication stops and is not extended because of unadulterated sloth. It takes work to communicate... it takes work to conceive a message and deliver that message. It takes work to be prepared and move matters to their next stage. However the slothful communicator can and does think of a myriad of "reasons" why he can obliterate the communications process without remorse. Thus he goes blithely on with his affairs while others, fuming, apply language which is ever more blue as time passes and their legitimate reasons for communicating go without any response whatsoever. Oh, my! A special cycle of hell For the intractable, for the miscreants arrogant and slothful who will not change, an idea: for them: a special cycle of hell wherein they are asked such questions as "are you hungry?" or "are you feeling hot and uncomfortable?" These hungry and uncomfortable miscreants answer and answer and answer. But response comes there none, ever. Delicious. Help for the socially challenged and shy johns and janes everywhere. Yet is the world of the non communicators made up solely and exclusively of the arrogant and slothful? Certainly not. It is also, and in significant numbers, the preserve of the shy, the timid, the socially malaprop, and untutored. For them a single word: study. There is one thing and only one thing which sets us apart and elevated from animals of every kind and place... and that one thing is communicating. So, if you truly wish to learn, improve and foster rather than retard communications, here is what you must learn and do. 1) Learn empathy, that crucial ability to enter into the minds and hearts of the people you are to communicate with. What is it they are expecting from you? Deliver that, to the furthest extent possible, and you have the essential element of success. 2) Be prompt about responding. In an age of instant communications, there can be absolutely no reason for delayed or no response at all except your own failure to provide it. The means are at hand; use them "as quick as boiled asparagus." And that's very fast! 3) Be clear on where you can be reached. Assume the person you are communicating with does not have this vital intelligence. State it clearly, thoroughly... and reiterate to avoid any confusion whatsoever. 4) Be willing to try again if the person you are trying to reach (even if that person initiated the communication) fails to respond. Remember, empathy is the basis for successful communications. 5) Above all else, never stop improving your knowledge of communication and its techniques. In this golden age of communications, the overwhelming majority of loaves and fishes will go to the communicating elite... those who make it a point to master communications and steadily enhance their knowledge and expertise. Make that person you! Give this article to the communicating challenged. They need it so. Your last task for today is to give a copy of this article to every substandard and inadequate communicator you can. The task at hand, training communicators and enhancing their skills, is a lifetime affair. Start it now. There is so very much to do and so many who need the help. |
