| by Dr. Jeffrey Lant Computers have become omnipresent and as such have become the means of liberating people from distasteful traditional jobs and offering the prospect of remunerative home-based employment. But working at home can be difficult. There are numerous distractions at hand.... pets, children, television -- and the always tempting refrigerator. Yes, it is easy to get distracted, lose focus, and miss opportunities. However, these problems and challenges are not nearly as difficult and potentially destructive as this one: the disapproving spouse. Instead of loyal, loving, enthusiastic support you begin to hear the nagging refrain of: "You're spending too much time on the computer." The more often you hear it... the greater your problem... and the more urgent this message. This is a problem you must solve, for failure to do so leads to estrangement, even divorce... with your computer cited as correspondent. What can you do before you become a highly rated episode on "Judge Judy"? Request spousal support from the get go No home-based business should ever be started without at least a discussion between the partners about what this is likely to mean for their relationship. New businesses, home-based or otherwise, need your full attention, extra hours and complete concentration. Your partner needs to know this... and prepare accordingly. Thus, before you begin on this demanding odyssey, go away for a romantic week-end. Be fresh! Be charming! Enjoy! Your energy level for such dissipations may not be quite this high for months to come. Cavort now. Refreshed? Revitalized? Its time to get down to business by, first, making it clear to your partner what you'll need to launch your business and to bring home the bacon. Item: you will keep regular business hours and during these hours interruptions are not permitted. In other words, unless there is a bona fide crisis, you must focus on the business, the whole business, and nothing but the business. Spousal agreement to this point is key, for your significant other may well "forget" this clause when there's "just one little errand to run, Pookie." As Nancy Reagan used to say, "Just say no." Once you're weakened on this point, you're nothing more than a marionette on a very short string. Oh, my! Item: when extra time is required (as it will be when building a business), you will inform your spouse as early in the day as possible. Such courtesies go far towards reconciling a restive, longing-to-be-with-you spouse. Make it clear what you are doing, why it's important and how much time you're going to need to finish the project at hand. This kind of communication is imperative to keep your spouse empathetic and supportive. "You're spending way too much time on that blankety blank computer!" You've worked hard... you begin to see results... you are thrilled... and then the spouse hits you with this! What a revolting development this is! What to do? You have 2 options: hear but do nothing... or tackle the issue head on right now. I recommend Option 2, because failure to respond to this problem now only ensures it will grow fast and become A Real Problem very, very soon. Sit your partner down, explain that you need their support; that you are doing all you're doing for them... for the children... for the family. Make it clear that you will continue to do what you have set out to do but that doing it will be far better with spousal support than without it. Make this an Academy Award performance... replete with eyes locked together, hand holding, bear hugs... perhaps even a tear or two. It will all be worth it if you'll never have to hear again the words "You are spending too much time on the computer." Hint: Want to impress your spouse and get the cooperation you require? Bribe them. Take some of the money you're making; put it in envelope. Take spouse to dinner... and have the waiter deliver along with dessert. Make sure the cash is accompanied by the briefest of notes saying, simply, profoundly "I love you." Say nothing when this present arrives. Wait for spousal reaction... which should be as surprised and tender (and accommodating) as you could want. If the business fails. With the best will in the world and all the time required... with full and complete spouse support your business may fail. Sadly, a very hefty percentage of home-based businesses do. Knowing you, you'll want to try and try again until you've found the winning formula. You're willing to risk again, but your spouse, in the clearest possible way, says "No way, Jose! Been there, done that, got the t-shirt." What now? Hand them this magnificent quote from Teddy Roosevelt's famous speech on "Citizenship in a Republic", delivered at the Sorbonne, Paris in 1910: "It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood: who strives valiantly: who errs, and comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat." Hand this quote, I say, to your spouse and make it plain that you have an obligation, first and foremost, to yourself to carry on, to persevere, and, at last, forge victory from defeat. This is a crucial moment in your relationship, a moment of epiphany, revelation, resolve. Now, perhaps for the first time, your spouse truly knows and understands you. Now for the first time they see you as indefatigable, admirable, larger than life, the mate they have always wanted.... and never until this very moment knew they already had. Sit down now at your computer, for now, at last, your truly beloved is on your side without cavil or complaint. Expect your favorite lunch to be delivered today computer-side... for now you have, well and truly, the helpmate you require for the success you will both enjoy so very much. |
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