|  by Dr. Jeffrey Lant
Author's program note. This is an article about something you've craved, desired, wished for... but now, aging and chagrined, know you will never have... never be any closer to than when you were sixteen or the last time you seriously consulted "Esquire" for a fashion make over. And that is financial independence. You don't have to believe me, probably won't. So (smelling salts at the ready) take a look at your assets. Pathetic, isn't it? And the sad fact is... you won't do anything about it. Probably can't. But before we develop this maudlin theme further, you'd better imbibe some of Nino Rota's masterful score from Fellini's perpetually edgy masterpiece "La Dolce Vita" (1960). You'll find it in any search engine. It is about the craziness of love, money and desire played out in Rome, where the unending search for the sweet life will devour you as it has devoured generations before you, including a whole College of Cardinals, and expectant generations still to come. Now let us begin, for you have wasted far too much time, and have so little left. Time. The first reason la dolce vita will elude you is that you've waited too long to use the present to shape the future. Now hear this: to become rich by your own insistent hands and devices, you must start from the first minute you glimpse the awful and shocking truth that you are not going to be young and beautiful for ever. What? Moi? Yes, I'm afraid so. One of these days some current play fellow of yours, who just a moment ago complimented your bodacious curves and knock-'em-out bootie, will be considering the unfairness of fate whilst scrutinizing your flesh-specked skull, for all the world like Hamlet and hapless Yorick. Dire, but who cares? Very well, you muffed your biggest advantage -- time. Sadly, the more you wasted; the less organized and efficient you were, the fewer options you have. There are two things you can do about this: 1) radically alter your lifestyle or 2) do nothing. You'll say, of course, that you'll make adjustments, but we both know, don't we, how lazy and incorrigible you have been in the past... and intend to be in the future. In other words, you'll continue to talk the good, the plausible, the smooth game... but you won't lift your pampered pinkie to achieve the objective. What objective? The plain truth is you have never had a specific, written financial objective; the older you get, the more glaring its omission. For example: have you checked to see just how long a person of your age, gender, and health can expect to live? In other words do you know what you're working with? It figures. You want the dolce vita, but you haven't got a clue about how much "vita" is left. So, for openers let's play "This is the rest of your life." For most of you even Ralph Edwards, a man with helium in his leather pumps, couldn't squeeze much optimism from the too sad facts. Napoleon, no objective, St Helena. The most celebrated man in history who lived without objectives was the great Napoleon himself. It's what brought him down from the highest of pinnacles and human achievement to life on a poky little sheep ranch called St. Helena. You see, before each campaign he'd steal the soldiers he'd need and the money. Then, without forethought, he'd set down the road... without goal, without objective. He was, you see, the ultimate wing-er. Goals, he reckoned, could take care of themselves... Europe offered him this province and that if he would say just what he wanted and, in time honored fashion, stop with the current larceny; in other words once he was bought, stay bought. However,if things were going well, he declined to parlay; it they weren't going well, he declined to parlay until at last the aristocrats understood they must work together, did so, and snuffed the man who, if he had a reasonable goal, would have ruled the roost and been the greatest sovereign since the Caesars. It is unrecorded if his imperial majesty liked mutton. I doubt it. Now, assets. A detailed look at what you loosely term your "assets" now is necessary. Gather what you jocosely call your "financial records," you know, that laughable pile of gum wrappers, lottery tickets, naughty Internet sites, and legal mumbo-jumbo about a stock you once owned. You'll need pencil, paper and true grit for this crucial exercise. Now, sit down and start.... And, pray, don't snivel, whine or sob!!!; much less "special plead" and "explain" as we review the little you wish to transform into the enough, the more than enough, and that fast receding life you once though would arrive without much effort or work of any kind. Oh, how the ill-informed and grossly self-deceived have fallen. What assets? Get a grip on yourself. You are about to do the hardest of tasks; telling the truth about you, the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. It will cause you pain; it will make you squirm; it will make you perspire and cause your life with every wrong decision and miscalculation to flash before your horrified eyes. Why have I put that gun on the table? Because I know given the chance you'd be out of here like a jack rabbit. So, shall we begin? The overwhelming number of folks have just about $30,000 in assets upon retirement. That's probably within shouting distance of where you are now, assuming you wish to retire in, say, five years. I hope you're smiling, sugar, because you're going to have to place a brave face upon this dismal reality. And while you're at it, try learning the lyrics to Charlie Chaplin's moving song, "Smile though your heart is breaking...." Just remember this, when he wrote it he was probably the best known entertainer in the world and amongst the richest men on Earth. It's easy to weep into your beer and warble movingly under those conditions. Under water. So.... grimly...you list your primary asset, your house. The Great Recession of '08 wiped out such assets for most people for the better part of a generation. If you're looking here for salvation, look again. It's not coming any time soon and certainly not to fund a lifestyle less dolce every day. And as for any other "assets", you know and I know their collective value is negligible. And as for that grotesque Chinese vase your auntie bought 50 years ago in San Francisco, you'll be waiting a long, long time before "Antiques Road Show" tells you it's fake, Ming indeed! Nice try. Two choices. So, what are you going to do? You could get realistic and stop wishing for something that's not going to happen. Take your $30,000 (or so) and give yourself a week in Paris Greta Garbo would envy. Splurge. When it's over, it's over. Enjoy what you've had; don't pine for more. You've had a nice taste of what you wanted. Be grateful. This is not the American way, of course; no matter how much you get, you want more... and moan to high heaven when you don't have it, can't afford it, and can't get it. The solution? It's right in front of you. It's called the Internet, and it's a gold mine... if you work with the right people and follow simple directions. I know what I'm talking about. Nearly twenty years ago, when the 'net was new and primitive. I made a calculated decision that it would be the most important, the transformational technology of my life. Without hesitation I affiliated way back then with a genius named George Kosch who explained to me, already a successful businessman in publishing and direct mail, why the 'net was the big play. As a result I made millions of dollars. Now hear this: you can, too. Everything you need is just one click away, easy to understand, easy to start. What's more you'll never work alone, will always have assistance and instruction and need to know absolutely nothing about technology. Now see for yourself. Go to worldprofit.com and immerse yourself in your successful future. But we both know, don't we, what you'll do... thereby killing your last chance (short of a winning lottery ticket or the timely demise of an unknown relative) of much "vita" at all, much less any that's dolce. Caio, bella. We'll miss you on the Via Veneto. And remember, to be rich, is to be beautiful... forever. |
