| By Dr. Jeffrey Lant Author's program note. So, at last it came, after a thousand long years, then as swift as lightning... girl royals are now equals of boy royals, by parliamentary fiat and the Queen's own signature . And all the Founding Mothers of Women's Rights and Feminism are cock-a-hoop, equality in all occupations -- even the most august -- having always been their goal. For such an epochal event, there must be music, bright, uplifting, girlish music, and so I have selected that curvaceous tune "I enjoy being a girl" from Rodger and Hammerstein's hit "Flower Drum Song" (1958). The only person who may be unhappy hearing it will be the first affected British prince... and he isn't even born yet. Now thanks to the omniscient information services provided exclusively to only the best of commentators (ahem!), I am about to reveal to you the transcript of the critical interview between HM The Queen, HRH The Prince Charles The Prince of Wales; HRH The Prince Philip The Duke of Edinburgh, and Their Royal Highnesses The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge at Windsor Castle on a day not too long ago: The Queen: "Well, what we've always expected has at last been proposed. The Prime Minister has advised and the Cabinet has approved that princesses should now be the equal of princes in all matters, including The Succession. I have called this meeting of The Firm to discuss our options." Prince Charles: "Queen Victoria would not have been amused, ma'am." The Queen: "Or Queen Mary either." Duke of Cambridge: "But we must move with the times, dear grandmama." And upon hearing this the Queen gave an audible sigh... speaking thus with weariness and resignation: "Every one of my Prime Ministers, starting with my first, dear Winnie, has been so advising me for 60 years now... and where has it gotten the Windsors... or the nation?" " 'Give up the Empire, Your Majesty,' they said, "And so, being only a young girl, though a sovereign queen, I did." " 'Give up the right to veto legislation.' And, being a constitutional monarch I did, thereby affixing my signature while holding my nose to even the most daft and ludicrous ideas." " 'Make such and such a one a baron...such and such a one an earl... and distribute knighthoods to all and sundry'; and I did this, too, giving honors to those completely without scruples, much less honor... and I felt queenship to be a deception... yet I did all this and more for the dwindling cause of royalty." "Yes, I did all this, and much more." "I was advised to give up the Royal car on the railroads... to give up the Royal yacht which made such a grand impression on politicians and especially their star-struck wives... then I gave up the Royal plane... and slashed the number of carriages... and the footmen and, and, and..." And here Majesty took a moment to brace herself. "And now I hear, dear Charles, that you wish to pull down Buckingham Palace and turn it into luxury flats. Can this, too, be true?"... Prince Charles: "You have often called it a white elephant yourself, dear mama." The Queen rises, and speaks not so much to the living princes before her but to her princely predecessors, the Plantagenets, the Stuarts, the Hanoverians, the latter day princes of Saxe-Coburg and, as last, her relatives of Windsor... and suddenly there is profound silence in this chamber hung with red brocade, gilded with gold, and graced by majesty. "Have I kept faith with you, my ancestors... have I kept faith with you, England? Have I done what you wished... even when I thought better of it... have I stood before the nation at all times, in all seasons, in all situations, proud to be the queen of such a people and the worthy descendant of such princes as you were? Have I been a sovereign of nobility... of wisdom... of magnanimity... of grace... of cool reflection and of courage?" And here she moved about the room, touching each picture with gentleness as if she were caressing a beloved relative, seen again with love, respect, and deep compassion. There was no sound in the room... but each person in that room was touched to the very core of their being. For they were all, each of them, threads in the royal skein of England... and if they never knew it before, they truly knew it now. Prince William, the white hope of the dynasty, graced with kindness and empathy, saw the Queen was tired now, leapt up to take her arm and kiss her cheek, for he was in himself a man of reconciliation and knew by instinct just when to move and what to do. "We love you so, dear grandmama," and a tear came to them both. And then Prince Philip jarred the atmosphere, as he had been doing for 60 years, "Oh, that's all very well, but what's to be done? This is no time to play the tragedy queen, you know." And so they got down to the business at hand, the business of managing the greatest constitutional monarchy on earth, giving up as little as possible, keeping as much, for this constant nibbling, they knew, would never stop. Was the government determined on the matter? "Of course," said the Queen, "for Conservatives are always the most revolutionary." Have all the 16 Commonwealth nations been consulted? "Yes, and already they have all signified their acceptance." And what about the prohibition on a sovereign being Roman Catholic? "That will remain in place for now, not even the greatest levelers in the land are prepared to open this Pandora's box in the face of all the current scandals, sexual and otherwise, at the feet of the Bishop of Rome." At last the details having been canvassed and thoroughly vetted, the discussion waned. All had had their say but one, HRH of Cambridge, once Kate Middleton. "Have you anything you wish to say, my dear? Perhaps you prefer to watch, having been one of us for such a short time?" But Kate of Cambridge did have something to say, and she took her line from Portia in "The Merchant of Venice." "Your Majesty, dear grandmama," she said... "The quality of mercy is not strained..." And the Queen knew the rest and thought the words in her mind as the duchess spoke them... "It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven Upon the place beneath. It is twice blest: It blesseth him that gives and him that takes. Tis mightiest in the mightiest; it becomes The throned monarch better than his crown. His scepter shows the force of temporal power, The attribute of awe and majesty, Wherein doth sit the dread and fear of kings. But mercy is above this sceptered sway; It is enthroned in the hearts of kings; It is an attribute of God himself, And earthly power doth then show like God's When mercy seasons justice." Your Majesty achieved the crown not because you were the oldest but because you had no brother. Any brother, of whatever age, would have removed you from the succession and unjustly, too. With this act, you would have achieved the crown by right and equity. And consider this: no mother, not even a queen, should be forced because of the gender of a child to love a girl less than a boy. And therefore I urge you to see this bill as a matter of fairness and love, and of mercy for a mother, not of loss and diminution. It is not like giving up a plane or boat for this is a matter of fundamental right and profound human need. This is something we must do, not because we are forced, but because we believe that this is right, for us and for all people." And the Queen knew she had heard more than truth from her grand daughter... she had heard the heart and the humanity of a queen. And so she, in recognition, ordered lavish Christmas revels at Windsor, in honor of Duchess Kate and her unborn child, girl or boy, Heir of England... all liberally done and paid for from the privy purse, without demur. |
