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Knowing my habits, the need to have everything about the new tale, the current article readily at hand, even old napkins, smudged and ripped, valuable artifacts notwithstanding so long as they contain a single indecipherable letter, for my handwriting has never risen above the abashed level of execrable; given these habits, I say, I shouldn't have been surprised that he had dropped over with a paper in one hand, a question in the other.

It's the kind of good deed he does and why I permit him to raid the refrigerator with impunity, leaving me to wail from time to time, "But I was saving that ginger beer...", giving the strongest possible impression that my bite is indeed worse than my bark, but even I don't believe it.

He knows this and at the earliest possible moment restarts his researches into and acquisitions from the food and wine which I always purchase in far too ample quantities for the amount I eat and the nullity I drink.

This, of course, provides the rationale he needs for raids which would impress a Viking, though in truth the fact he is my constant helper and friend provides all the reason he'll ever need... although I do wish he'd ask before gallivanting home with the last morsel or drop of any much craved delicacy.

"Do you need this?"

And, of course, I did... for this tale of Independence Day 2013 would never have taken place -- for me -- without it and the grande dame who mailed it and so literally made my day. Here is what it looked like. Here is what it said.

"Generations, Friends, Families. Please join us!"

There then followed explicit directions of what these generations, friends, and families must do in the matter of furnishing food ("your favorite and a little extra to share"), and drink ("Also your favorite and a little extra to share")... with further detailed instructions on such critical matters as "places to swim, eat, sit, chat, rest, sing, ice, cups, plates, knives, forks, spoons", and the most important directive and admonition of all... to bring your crucial holiday spirit and so increase its already ample measure stemming principally from our hostess, Diane Neal Emmons.

Distinctive right from the start.

Did you pronounce her first name DIE ANN. Of course you did. I did when first introduced. The world does, but you, me and the wide generality of the planet, all of us, are mistaken. For she pronounces it DEE ON and woe to thems who gets it wrong, for as every Eskimo knows, a name is totemic, the thing that holds your spirit and first tells the world who you are, where you have come from, and where you are going.

In this way, with this subtle variation, Diane (did you pronounce it correctly this time?) announced that she was not and would never be of the humdrum, prosaic or everyday variety of mere Dianes, much less (horror of horrors) of the Dee Dees who derive therefrom; that she was instead something quite different, distinguished, unique; though as a lady to the manner born she couldn't possibly tell you this. You'd have to find out for yourself, if only you had the good sense and good manners to do so. And so are the real gems separated and higher valued than the baubles who, at first, seem the same. The happiest girl in the neighborhood, maybe the happiest girl in the world.

I don't have any proof for what I am about to say, no proof at all. However, people like me, called commentators are given wide latitude and what is called "the benefit of the doubt" in advancing their cases; in other words so long as what we write is not specious in the extreme or wildly implausible we may dream, wonder, ruminate and speculate to our heart's content. I am about to use that privilege here....

There is something larger than life about Diane, and this is especially true when she first glimpses you. There is in that moment the ghost of Ezio Pinza singing "Some enchanted evening."

You sense rather than see that her eyes light up and she is no longer that woman of a certain age, but a girl in flying dance slippers with bright pink ribbons in the much considered hair of a twelve year old; the twelve year old who greets you like a favored child greets her favorite relation with nothing more troubling on her youthful horizon than who to ask to the Sadie Hawkins dance in just two weeks.

When you are the boy who receives this high energy treatment, you think, no you know that you are the boy she'll invite... and that you'll have a spiffing good time, because Diane knows to her fingertips how to make sure you -- and everyone else -- leaves happy and recalls each event with a smile. It is her special secret, and you are glad she is lavishing some on...you.

Fashionably late and better so.

People who run 24-hour-a-day Internet enterprises learn to be approximate in the matter of time; technology, after all, is a capricious mistress, smooth running one minute, causing mayhem the next, even on holidays when one is expected out of town at a particular time. "Technology is great when it works." Thus my party, Mr. and Mrs. Joseph and I left late... and arrived as my grandmother used to say "fashionably late." This proved to be a good thing, since many guests having partaken of luncheon under a tent most often used at weddings and anniversaries went home to laze the blistering afternoon away dozing in the shade. And thus both Josephs and I were able to spend more time with the hostess, a happy result of tardiness.

But first I had literally to sing for my supper.

"Songs to Sing When Two or Three or More are Gathered Together."

Open upon my desk now is a thin volume of the name above, a volume compiled by Diane and providing numerous clues to the lady and her metier. It is her personal song book, and it is both curious and touching. Diane, you see, is of the generation where people entertained each other by each being responsible (particularly young ladies of good family like Diane) for an enjoyable rendezvous, with and for only the right people, which for this lady and her friends, meant prep schools like Winsor and Groton, colleges like Radcliffe and Harvard, social clubs like Chilton and Somerset, and above all the Mayflower Club always remembering that if you must inquire about it, you were most decidedly NOKD, "not our kind, dear."

The Kennedys, not yet with a postal code in Camelot were in this category, and in the Irish way their revenge was thorough and hurtful, not least because they soon shunted the old families of the Commonwealth (called Brahmins) aside and to the rest of the world portrayed themselves as Bay State aristocrats, which caused society matrons on Commonwealtlh Avenue to fume... and plot revengeful motifs they no longer had the money, power or unquestionable social position to dictate.

Diane Emmons was caught up in this sea change in Boston. She was born to adorn a particular universe and that universe was changed beyond recognition. It was a world into which you were born, where acceptance was automatic and life long for those with the right surname and genetic code. Never mind It was often dull, dowdy, smug and insular, none of which mattered to the people who wanted entree they would probably never get until club revenues fell and provided a compelling reason for new members mere equity could never provide.

"In" could only be valuable in relation to who was "Out", a fact which social novelist Frances Parkinson Keyes (1885-1970) captured to a nuance, in books like "Joy Street". This street on Beacon Hill was cut in half, the top socially acceptable; the bottom mixed and dubious. I wrote my first book in an apartment well down from the acme, yet adored for all that.

She must have regretted at least some of the changes, but her Fairy Godmother made sure she had the one essential feature she needed to live through such massive change and come through it smiling, albeit saddened by the loss of what was after all her birthright and cherished reality... now just so much ancient history, gone with the wind. Her great attribute? She liked people and people liked her. In the truest tradition of real ladyship, Diane took pains to help when she didn't have to; assisted beyond the call of duty so many charitable endeavors; and always, always had time for that far-flung and heterogeneous group, her Friends, of which I proudly call myself one.

With a song in my heart... and nowhere else.

Ever since I was a child at church, I have been rebellious and adamant on the matter of group singing: quite simply, I hate it, not merely because I am unable to carry a tune in a bucket, but because when one sings in any venue even remotely public one is expected to boom out the song in question, your role (happy, amorous, joyous, sad, whatever) determined by just what you're singing and always overdone.

Instead of entering into the spirit of the enterprise, I did everything imaginable to ensure that any such involvement would only be by force and after a masterful display of temper and high volume obstinacy.

Diane, of course, loves to sing, never mind that her voice is reminiscent of a species of frog found only in the swimming pools of the well heeled. She is awful... However, she believes in the social utility of what she is doing... and, as hostess, she is unrelenting in "persuading" her guests into her unyielding view that group singing on very hot holidays is a privilege, not cruel and unusual punishment to be avoided at all cost, which is my abiding take on the matter.

But I am a guest, I aim to please, even if I transgress against my core beliefs... and so I sing... about 15 words or so of "If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands." It is one of the most insipid tunes ever composed, therefore popular with people for whom their inexhaustible jauntiness and perkiness is a gift from on high, to be celebrated whenever possible around those of a sarcastic and insufficiently civic spirited demeanor.

That would be me, and it is a measure of how highly I esteem my hostess and her chipper orientation that I sang and clapped at all, never mind with tepid demeanor. I knew my rights and obligations as guest, and calibrated my finger movements and strain on my vocal chords accordingly. And so, obdurate, I listen to -- but do not sing, warble or chant -- the eccentric litany in the song book that jumps from "Blue Moon" to "Chattanooga Choo Choo" to "Good Night, Irene."

Diane was zealous but she had long odds against her, the day sultry, the repast generous, delicious, ancient guests drowsy, eyes determined to close, collective nap time at hand. Then there it was... the perfect song for the day, the hostess, every visitor and even for me, hardened city dweller and professional scoffer determined to stay an anthropologist, watchful but disengaged.

"What would you think if I sang out of tune/Would you stand up and walk out on me?/ Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song/And I'll try not to sing out of key"...

And then the words that define us all:

"Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends."

Better because of DEE ON.

As I looked around the backyard of her rambling colonial-style home just blocks from the well-known Singing Beach in Manchester-by-the-Sea (officially incorporated in 1645) I saw it populated by her friends, old, young, some vibrant and running over with high animal spirits, some for whom moving at all, especially on such a stifling day, was a labor... I thought of how lucky the human is who can conjure so many and make them sing this song first written in mid-March 1967 by John Lennon and Paul McCartney.

Go now to any search engine and hear it all over again and ask yourself if you've been a good friend today, the kind of friend you'd like to have, the kind of friend well deserving of your esteem and high regard, the kind of friend I am so lucky to have in Diane Neal Emmons... the one person I am prepared to sing for, out of key of course, but completely sincere... and grateful.

Harvard-educated Dr. Jeffrey Lant is the author of over a dozen books in print, several ebooks, and over one thousand online articles. http://www.HomeProfitCoach.com/?rd=nk8EKuip Republished with author's permission by Howard Martell http://HomeProfitCoach.com